


Auda

by stew (julie)



Category: The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension (1984)
Genre: F/M, fuck the patriarchy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1988-07-16
Updated: 1988-07-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22184506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/stew
Summary: Buckaroo has fallen in love with someone quite unattainable. Although the young woman’s horrible old father seems prepared to sell her to him… Reno is intrigued despite himself, Buckaroo is horrified – but nothing and no one are quite what they seem. Can Buckaroo and Auda find their way to a satisfactory solution after all?





	Auda

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Views expressed are not always those of the author, or indeed of any civilized being. 
> 
> **First published:** in my zine “Samurai Errant: Cavalier Tales Quixotic and Profane” #1 on 16 July 1988

# Auda 

♦

“You want to buy my daughter?” the horrid old man asked in congenial tones. 

Buckaroo, sitting cross-legged next to me in the tent, tried to hide his surprise. I started chuckling. Buckaroo demurred: “That’s not what I meant.” But the young woman caught his eye again. “I wish she’d stop smiling at me like that – it makes it a little hard to think practically,” he said to me in Spanish, which was one of the only languages we felt sure that no one else in the vicinity understood. 

I couldn’t deny I was curious. “How much?” I asked the woman’s father in Arabic, our only common language. 

“Reno!” Buckaroo exclaimed. 

“Maybe you can just hire her for a while,” I told him helpfully in Spanish. I beamed charmingly at the woman’s father. 

“I _can’t_ believe you said that,” Buckaroo muttered flatly. He turned again to the father, with his most appealing look on his face. “I don’t even know her name.” 

“My little Auda,” the man said contentedly, beckoning her closer. “She will make a lovely and obedient wife.”

Auda sat demurely by her father, deep dark eyes glowing at Buckaroo’s bemused attraction to her. 

“She was dancing last night after dinner with the other women,” Buckaroo was telling me yet again, never taking his eyes from her. “She dances so beautifully.” 

My chuckling only increased. “Buckaroo, no one in the world would deny you’re a brilliant and innovative thinker. And I just love watching you get yourself into these scrapes.”

“But what am I to do, Reno? I can’t even speak to her without her father present.” 

“Well, speak to her now then,” I told him. “You sure as hell can’t afford her, so the worst that can happen is they’ll shoot you for attempting her seduction.” 

“Thanks for your advice, Reno. You’re very helpful.” 

“Go on, talk to her,” I said seriously. “She’s looking as moonstruck as you are. God in heaven knows why.” 

“Auda,” Buckaroo started in Arabic. “You’re a very beautiful woman, and I can see the intelligence in your eyes…” 

Auda’s smile grew wider, and her father looked on indulgently, already counting the cash. “Hook, line and sinker,” I remarked. 

“But your father treats this like a business deal. That’s not how we do things where I come from. We get to know each other a little better before we talk of belonging to each other. We make our own decisions.” 

“I’d like to know you better,” Auda murmured with an appropriately modest amount of encouragement. 

“I’d like that, too. But I don’t know what to do. I came here today because I wanted to see you again.” 

“I was very happy when you came here today.” The young woman looked dutifully up at her father, and switched languages to say sweetly, “My family won’t understand us if we talk in French.” 

Buckaroo carefully didn’t let his expression falter. “I don’t know what to do, Auda,” he said in French. “You’re so beautiful, and I can’t even hold your hand.” 

“He’s going to get suspicious…” I warned, still beaming at the horrid man as if nothing was at all untoward. “Don’t do this, or he’ll have our guts for garters.” I told the father in Arabic, shrugging eloquently, “French – the language of lovers.” 

“Say you’ll buy me, then help me get to London,” Auda put in, modulating her voice prettily as if she was indeed talking of love. “I have the money, I have friends in England. I went to school there. Please help me.” 

“Oh,” Buckaroo said, trying to hide his disappointment at her ulterior motives. “All right, Auda. Of course we’ll help. We’d be honored.” He switched to Arabic, and his best I-mean-business smile. “How much would you accept for your delightful daughter, sir?” 

“A most precious girl to me, the apple of her father’s eye…” 

“Utter garbage,” I told him in Spanish.

“I do not wish to barter over a human life,’ Buckaroo said firmly. “Name your price.” 

“Fifteen thousand American dollars.”

Auda shook her head imperceptibly. “I couldn’t give you that in cash,” Buckaroo told the man. 

“Then, ten thousand. Traveler’s checks will do.” 

“Ask the scum if he takes American Express,” I put in cheerfully. 

Auda was nodding. “OK,” Buckaroo agreed. “Ten thousand in cash and traveler’s checks.” And he added flatly in Spanish, “Wrap her up, I’ll take her with me.”

“It’s a pleasure doing business with a man of such taste and discernment.” Auda’s father smiled smugly, shaking Buckaroo’s hand. “Bring the money to me tomorrow morning.” 

“All right,” Buckaroo was saying with only a hint of bitterness. “All right.” 

“I’ll come to your tent tonight,” Auda murmured in French. 

Looking at a bit of a loss as to what to do, Buckaroo shook her hand, too, under her father’s indulgent gaze. 

“You’re saving my life,” she said. 

♦

“Auda, I sure as hell hope you have that money, for we certainly don’t,” I said as soon as she appeared that night.

“I have it; here it is.”

“How come? How could you possibly have that sort of money?” I asked, halting my angry pacing for a moment. “They’re going to kill us, you know, just because you’ve taken advantage of Buckaroo’s damned fine sensibilities. It’s as well for you that you didn’t choose me for your schemes – you would have got _nowhere_.” 

“Reno, be fair. Give her a chance to explain,” Buckaroo said tiredly. 

“I went to school and university in London,” she started, faltering a little under my glare. “My father is very naive when it comes to money. He lives this old-fashioned life even though he is very rich. He has no idea of what money is worth. I told him we needed two apartments when we lived in London, and I sub-let one and kept the rent. I sold my jewels, and had paste ones made to fool him. I knew I would need the money to get out of here without them coming after me.” 

“And you think it’s that easy?” I exclaimed. “I don’t believe it for a moment.” 

“Reno, give her a break. We’re trying to help her, OK?”

“It’s my uncles that are the problem. They are smarter than my father. They’ll realize you didn’t have ten thousand dollars when you came here. They’ll realize I’ve stolen father’s money.” 

“So, tomorrow morning we pay and leave very quickly. Wonderful.” Scenes flashed through my mind like a Hollywood movie – men with rifles on horses chasing after us through the desert, crying out like banshees. 

“As long as we’re away from here, it will be all right. They won’t come after us.” 

“Why not?” I asked. 

“They’ll have their money back; most of it, anyway. Don’t you see? It’s a fine joke he’s playing on both of us, Buckaroo. _He’s_ meant to give _you_ a dowry. They’re sitting down there laughing behind our backs. There’s meant to be a wedding for me, and a dowry for you.” 

Buckaroo went to stand by her. “I’m sorry, Auda,” he murmured, taking her hand in his in a companionable way. 

“It does not upset me, for I do not care for them either. As long as I get out of here, that is all that matters.” She looked up at Buckaroo. “But I’m glad it was you.” 

Buckaroo gazed at her, so easily transfixed again. He shook his head dazedly. “This is a business deal between you and me.” 

She smiled up at him, ignoring his words. “You were so sweet this morning, coming to see me even though you thought there was nothing you could do.” 

“I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t sleep last night because I was thinking of you.” 

Auda sighed happily. She was a consummate actor. “I have to go now, or I’ll be missed. If we’re all ready to leave as soon as you’ve given him the money tomorrow, then everything will work out well.” 

“We’ll be ready, Auda.” Buckaroo lifted her hand to his lips, then watched her veil her face again and slip out of the tent. 

“Hook, line and sinker,” I remarked once more. “And she plays with you so skillfully as she reels you in.” 

“Reno, don’t be cynical.” 

“Don’t you be so naive. She only wants to get out of here. She’d like you to think she’s fallen for you, too, just to make sure.” 

“You don’t see the way she looks at me. She means it. And she is so beautiful. Rawhide’s wife was from these people, too, you know.” 

“You never fall in love by halves, do you?” 

“Just as well I don’t do it very often, then,” he retorted, blue eyes twinkling at me. “You should try falling in love yourself sometime, Reno. It would do you good.” 

I glowered at him. “I’m doing my best,” I told him, “but Pecos does not make _anything_ easy.” 

♦

The transaction the following morning went without a hitch, to my utter surprise. Buckaroo handed over a wad of notes and checks, which the ghastly old man had someone count. That done, he handed Auda over to Buckaroo without any visible regrets. Buckaroo formally kissed her forehead, holding her hands tightly in his. To her credit, Auda kept up the moonstruck look very well. And, OK, maybe it wasn’t _entirely_ an act.

Auda’s father shook hands with the young man who should properly be his son-in-law under the circumstances, and then he shook my hand, too. “Anyone who can treat their own child like that,” I cheerfully told him in French, heartily pumping his hand, “deserves to be hung, drawn and quartered.”

I spent an anxious few minutes while Auda’s luggage was loaded into the back of our old four-wheel drive – but then we were off, me driving as fast as I dared, and Auda sitting nervously between us on the front bench-seat.

After maybe an hour with no sign of pursuit, we all turned our worried faces to each other and let out a relieved cheer. 

“So it _is_ that easy!” I said. “Thank all the gods. I still don’t quite believe we got away with it.”

“I’ll never be able to thank you enough,” said Auda with flawless sincerity. 

“That’s all right,” Buckaroo said, having put his arm securely around her shoulders. “Any time you want back-up, you know who to call.” 

“I do indeed.” She cuddled up to him, and I watched him kiss her. I had to make sure, you know, but the moonstruck looks stayed perfectly in place throughout. I reminded myself again that I hadn’t seen Buckaroo smile quite that warmly since Peggy had died. 

Buckaroo changed our itinerary to include a stopover in London. It was strictly to help Auda settle in again and find her old school and college friends, of course. Well, that’s what he told me, anyway. I politely left them to it. 

She saw us off at Heathrow, Buckaroo hanging on to her as long as he possibly could. Finally we eased back alone into our seats on the plane, and Buckaroo heaved a satisfied sigh. 

“You did a good thing there,” I told him grudgingly. 

“Ah, Reno,” he said, sitting back comfortably. “One should make a habit of rescuing at least one _damoiselle_ in distress – or _damoiseau_ likewise – per year. It does one the world of good.” 

“It’s not the _rescuing_ that does one good…” 

He lifted one eyebrow. “I’m an altruistic kind of guy…” 

“Who appreciates a beautiful woman’s kisses…” 

“I have to admit you have a point there, Reno.” He smiled, obviously thinking fondly of Auda’s loving. 

“Well, just remember to leave a few damsels and damsons in distress for the rest of us, OK?” 

“I’ll do my best, Reno. I will certainly do my best. It’s only fair, after all.” 

♦


End file.
